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Thinking out loud: My husband is driving me crazy.
What prompted the post? My husband Don who in over 31 years has never called in sick at work for more than a day, (faithful, hard working accolades here) he just returned to work after a 3 day cold from H_ll. One of my Honey's love languages is acts of service, need I say more? Good thing men do not have babies, Aay" ladies. 
How to change your husband.
I'd estimate that 99.99% of wives out there have thought, eaten, spewed, mused these words. Will my husband every change? You other .001% have already attained Sainthood and should be writing books and raising the dead. Amen I'm going to pen from the side of "high and sight." Might take a few more stories to share, but we will enjoy the "ride." At which point in time have any of us asked this question? Will my husband ever change? Not 3 days after we were married and driving down the red dust roads of Oklahoma on our way to visit Don's Chicago family who was throwing us a wedding reception. Raining cats, dogs, and elephants.
Don's had a little more love showing
Back to my "high and sight" story.
Driving across country, downpour, in a 1979, (Oops, I've been corrected, 1978) Subaru Brat that my extra tall (cute) husband had cut out the back interior wall to make more leg room, topped with a Subaru factory canopy, squished with blah colors of silicone goo here and there. Get the picture. It leaked, so was "my Cinderella head" pumpkin coach story already being challenged. My luggage was getting wet. When I say luggage I'm actually saying, everything that I put on this body and face to impress my now new family that I have never met. Is getting soaked. Yes, we high maintenance girls get it and would say OMG.
Little did he know the adventure right around the corner. This 70's Marine had no clue what was going on inside of his "princess's" head.
I began the barrage of inquisitions about my getting wet luggage and what was he going to do about it. First I'm sure with romantic newlywed overtones, then the decimals began to change as He is still "Heading out on the highway" conquering Route 66. I remember his response was something like this? There already wet! Right brain, left brain crash! I read a fantastic blog post the other day. Maps and globes by Seth Godin "Link"
If someone needs directions, don't give them a globe.
It'll merely waste their time. But if someone needs to understand the way things are, don't give them a map. They don't need directions; they need to see the big picture.
Here we are in the outback of Oklahoma, got a "fictitious globe" in my hand, Don is having a hard time concentrating let alone "reading" the map, because of the "sound" coming out of my mouth. When I opened my mouth; my emotions joined the party, now you have a wounded, "if you loved me" "princess" "You would stop the car," "change the weather" and protect the vision I have about myself meeting your family for the first time on your hands. Which part of this do you think my Marine got? ___________ Well, he stopped the car. Kudo's for him right; then I didn't have to jump. I burst open the car door, leap out declaring my dramatic independence and began stomping down the red mud road. " I'll walk home if I have to." "I'm finished." "He doesn't care." I'm laughing hard as I share this with you, was I this immature? Yup! 25 going on 4. So what's a guy to do? Who's side of this shall we take? Anyhow, here I am walking a back road just off the Sooner highway, now I'm getting drenched. Don, driving behind me at a snail's pace, snug and dry inside his Subaru brat, I never thought what might be going on in his brain? But this Marine will weather the storm and keep his princess safe right. To Don's dismay, driving by was a tall/lifted, Ford truck, with a few dents claiming its right of cowboy passage, beginning to catch wind of this scene. One blonde, wet princess, was walking down the highway, followed by a guy in a fogged up Subaru brat. Again, what do you suppose those, "Good Ol'e", young, virile cowboys with shotgun racks in the windows were thinking? Thankfully discomfort must have brought me a brief moment of reason, and I got back into the car, red mud stuck on my shoes and those cowboys moseyed on to there lasso's and chores. I don't remember the moments or hours till we pulled into a motel for the night. The reception Don's sister threw for us was a dandy. As I tell you this story, enjoying laughing at myself, remembering the misunderstanding that I felt, after 31+ years of marriage, the goofy tune rolling around in my head about how I perceived Don's side of the story,
Every time I have attempted to wrestle with change, declared and stomped my foot, that there was going to be, change,
a change did come, a transformation was obedient to the word, in me. Hear the lyrics, "Yeah Darlin' go make it happen, Take the world in a love embrace". That is what I had to grab on too. Love. First, this immature broken 25-year-old princess had to look at her globe, "Princesses carry globes and Marines carry maps." It's the "vision" God placed in me, not the road map God gave him to provide, defend and protect. How do you get it to snow within the globe? Shaking! Beauty and transformation come by shaking. Every time I have tried to "DO" the shaking I have failed miserably and left debris in my wake, multiplying the broken individuals at hand. A Beautiful transformation like a "snow globe" is only revealed when looking before the snow flurry rests. What I allow to be covered up is always manifest during the meltdown. I had to learn to fall into "love" and the person my real intuitive Marine fell in love with appears. Me.
3 Comments
2/5/2017 12:13:59 am
I don't think that we should ever try to change our loved ones. It's not that it's bad, I only think that it's best if we let them change for themselves. If we force someone to change, then he will never truly change. We should let them realize their mistakes and wrongdoings. We can only help them realize their own bad habits and let their change come in the future. 3/16/2017 10:37:15 am
In the early years of our marriage, with all four of our children in the car while we were at a drive-through, I got upset over something I can no longer remember and impulsively jumped out of the car, probably thinking "I'll show him." Well, I tromped off to the the nearby main road, formulating what I was going to say and do once he and the kids pulled out from the fast food place. Minutes went by, then some more minutes and then some more, and no sign of my husband and the children. I went back to the drive through to investigate but my entire family is missing in action. I went back to the main street, searching up and down for what I hoped would be my repentant husband searching earnestly for me. When I realized I was "lost" (and this was well before the days of cell phones) I calculated my choices. I chose to walk to his brothers house since it was only about half the distance as it would have been for me to walk home; also, we had talked of going over there immediately prior to my blow-up. Long story short, I got there, no one was home, and I had to rely on the kindness of a neighbor to allow me to use their phone so that I could call my husband to come and get me, which was ironic because I was still upset with him, but anyway, he "rescued" me, explaining how he and the kids had searched hi and low for me, but I was "nowhere" to be found. Maybe it was my anger that made me invisible, or maybe I simply needed a lesson on the consequences of my actions, but what a cold, wet, and miserable afternoon! Oh what a pair of forlorn lovebirds we were that day! You can be sure I never pulled that stunt again!
Kristen Wambach
3/17/2017 12:35:48 pm
What a humorous and heartfelt story. Been there done that and learned the lesson, too! Thank you so much for sharing. It's good to talk about our "LOUD SHORT COMINGS". Amen. blessings Kristen Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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Corvallis, Oregon USA
